Stormy outside stormy inside

18hrs till my appointment with my Care co-ordinator tommorrow, and im not sure if I can hold out that long, the urge to self harm is overwhelming me as is my frustration with my useless otherhalf, as I suspected earlier hes still on the X-box whilst its me thats washed up, me whose put the kids uniforms into wash and me whose just discovered my daughter in the playroom rather than bed.....

Im so so hurt by the fact that yet again hes talked a pretty talk when the time comes to walking the walk, nothing hes shouted at me when he knew I was on a low, now hes sat on the X-box his excuse being that I told him to stay out the way, now bearing in mind i've been in the living room and both the washing machine and my daughters bedroom arent there id say that was a fairly poor excuse. Maybe its me thats being unreasonable, but you know what I dont care he knows where the door is if he doesnt like it!

The calm before the storm

Im trying so very very hard to keep my temper, its not working. My other half (who when the social worker was here nodded and said yes when he spotted the signs hed take over the running of the household and yes hed take care of me....) shouted at me when I unreasonabley had a go at him made me cry and has been sat in the bedroom ever since playing the X-box, its 8pm and the kids uniforms arent washed let alone dried, the washing thats been in the machine hasnt been dried, the stuff that is dry hasnt been folded...

Iv'e been running round attending appointments all day....whats he done cooked dinner, why is it when it actually comes to stepping up to the plate he fails miserably....three guesses whose going to end up washing the uniforms, folding the washing etc etc me which is going to push me even lower mood wise....

Oh to be a normal parent and not struggle with daily tasks some days!

Today I got married, to Lithium the gold standard does everything but the washing wonder drug for Bi-polar people, it seems im going to be on it and the other cocktail of medication I take pretty much for life. Im not sure how I feel about that, being told that in effect your disabled @ 26 is hard and that you might get better but you will never be cured that I have to learn to live with it rather than letting it control my life....EVERYTHING iv'e known from a child has to be turned on its head now, no more being fiercely independent, no more trying to cope alone, now I have to ask for help and accept help from all kinds of agencies social sevices, CMHT, drs, Pych.

Its hard